Rey Maualuga's Driving School

Following Mr. Maualuga's attempt at ESPN's top piece of ace he realized that the more mature class of woman was not for him. Last night Rey Rey totaled a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire when the vehicle struck two parked cars and a parking meeter just outside the University of Cincinnati in Covington Kentucky . As the story states "Two female passengers who were with Maualuga were released without being charged." Another source says that one of the females is Chelsea Fauver, an 18 year old senior at Fairfield High, the other was another female and guess what, she wasn't even 18, as was stated "Maualuga was driving with two passengers in the car, a juvenile female and 18-year-old Chelsea Fauver. Both passengers were not injured."

Now the fun part! Theory Time! First lets state the facts:

1) Rey Maualuga has a 4 year $4.59m contract with the Bengals, of which $2.84m is guaranteed.

2) He was driving the 2003 Sunfire

3) Two female high school students were in the car with him

4) Ms. Fauver was about half an hour from her town

5) Rey had 6 Captain and Cokes prior to totaling the car.

What is wrong with this story? Why is Rey driving a 2003 Sunfire? Is it a sentimental car from before his NFL days? I doubt it. How much slack would his USC teamates gives him for rolling into practice with that ride? I don't know if anybody remembers the high school parking lot but I can recall many a female rolling out of the West Geauga parking lot in a Sunfire.

What I'm getting at here is that it was not his car. He was the only one of legal drinking age in the car. And women (especially girls) can't drive. He was not the one who wrecked the car, either Chelsea or the nameless juvenile smashed the two cars and the parking meeter. They all had been drinking, stopped Lee's Famous Recipe (from the Google map of the address of the crash) for some 4th meal and while Rey was making sure there was hot sauce in his bag one of the girls smashed the Sunfire. Rey, wanting to play Knight in Shining Armour, switched seats prior to the Covington Police arriving at the scene.

Two important questions following the altercation;

1) Which one gets to take Rey to the prom?

2) It's 2am on a Thursday night in Cincinnati, do you know where your daughters are at?